Have you ever asked the question, why do they tell me to let it go, or I need to forget about it and move on? Then think, I am a victim and they just don’t understand what that’s like.  

Let’s go a little deeper…

Do you fantasize about revenge or payback? Are you consumed with thoughts this person should pay for what was done to you?  Do you blame what happens in your life today, on what you experienced in the past?

Things like:

  • My relationship is falling apart because my partner doesn’t get me.
  • People keep treating me poorly.
  • I keep getting abused by my partners.
  • I can’t speak up to my boss because of the trauma I experienced.
  • Anything else that starts with “I can’t”

Do any of these sound familiar? These are examples of victim mentality. 



Let’s talk about the difference between victim and victor mentality.

Victim mentality is defined as identifying as a victim of the actions of another, and behaving as if this is true today. In other words, because you were a victim in the past, you continue to see yourself as a victim today and behave like that victim.


How does this impact you now?

In the case of childhood abuse, identifying as a victim keeps you in the past, experiencing the pain as that child hurting. However, you’re no longer a child hurting, you’re now an adult hurting and it’s impacting how you live today. Think about it, you are experiencing the past and the feelings you felt as if it were happening today. Fear, anger, hurt, disappointment and the list goes on. Is this how you want to keep living? As a victim?

I ask you to consider, who else in your life, other than you, is victim mentality affecting? Is it your family? Your partner? Your spouse? Your children? 

Do you want to keep going through life as a victim or become a victor and the hero or your own story?



It's your choice to continue being a victim or becoming a victor in your life.

It’s your choice to continue being a victim or becoming a victor in your life.

I encourage you to do the work to leave the identity of, victim in the past and see yourself as a victor. Stop viewing yourself as a victim and using the experience as an excuse for why you are unable to move on. Stop allowing the experience to define your worth. 


I propose you consider looking at the experience as just that, an experience. An experience that taught you about pain. An experience you DID NOT deserve but one you WILL overcome. You can decide that you DO NOT want to live in that pain. You have a CHOICE to take responsibility for your healing.


How? Get support to learn how to let go and move on. Accepting it happened, letting go and forgiveness is freedom for you. Forgiveness is hard but is also a powerful gift. Forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you, forgiveness is for you to find peace, healing and finally leave the victim mentality in the past. I know, it sounds easier said than done. Truth is, you can overcome and live a life with peace and freedom when you learn to truly, let go.



Victim or victor? Choose victor.You went through that painful experience and are here today for a purpose. How can your pain possibly be an inspiration for someone else?


As you go through this healing process, I encourage you to move your focus away from your pain to connect with someone else experiencing similar pain.


Do you remember wanting someone to “just understand?” This can be you now! As a Victor, you have the experience to understand another’s pain and just listen. Supporting others with their pain is how you find purpose in YOUR pain.



I know it may be difficult to think about finding purpose in the pain, but here’s the reality: 

  • You can’t change it. 
  • You can’t forget it ever happened. 
  • You can’t make it go away. 
  • It happened

The longer you stay in the identity of, victim and view yourself as less than and undeserving, the longer you are unable to move forward, peacefully, in your life.

Your past does not define you or have the power to keep you chained to a victim identity. In fact, when you leave, victim mentality in the past and live as a victor, you are proclaiming to yourself and the world, you are WORTHY.

You can take that past experience and create a better future. A future where you not only survive, but you thrive! Today, you decide when enough is enough. Today, take the step to stand in your Power 2 Heal.

To read more about purpose in the pain, click here.