If you’re like me and many other women, trauma can have a lasting impact on your ability to love yourself and to recognize your self-worth. In other words, you may find it difficult or nearly impossible to see the value you were born with – and that is - infinite value!
You may consciously believe you are deserving; however, your actions do not support this belief. In reality, you want to believe you are worthy, valuable, and deserving but subconsciously you’re hurting. The relationships in your life, including the one with yourself, may be suffering because of unresolved, subconscious pain.
Consciously, we all know we are deserving. We all know we are worthy of great relationships, great careers, and creating big dreams. The problem is, the trauma we’ve experienced has left this little voice inside our heads that keeps reminding us to: fear the unknown, and settle for what we already know - even when it hurts us or keeps us stuck. In other words, it keeps us right where we’re at – never moving forward and never experiencing our greatest life. I remember listening to that little voice. For years she told me I wasn’t good enough - I suffered in silence as I watched others live their best life.
Too often, we make excuses why life hasn’t turned out the way we want it. We justify our procrastination and lack of effort on anything and everything - except ourselves; and we do this to avoid having to take responsibility for the results in our lives – the results that we created.
Here are some examples of avoiding responsibility:
- If he loved me, he would have fought for me and proved I could trust him. He's gone so I guess it was meant to be.
- I might have drunk a little much last night, but I’ve been working so hard and I’ve been so stressed, I deserved a night to unwind.
- No one has a perfect relationship.
- My life may not be what I want but it’s good enough.
- I always say: “It could be worse.”
- Why do people make such a big deal? Who cares if I’m 20 minutes late, I’m here now.
Do any of these sound familiar?
Here are 3 action steps you can take to start moving forward and to believe in your self-worth.
Take 100% responsibility for yourself! (Whoa - what does this mean?)
You have a choice to make.
- Continue to blame the trauma, people, and your circumstances for why you cannot get what you want in your life. (In other words – keep doing what you’ve always done and you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got.) And just out of curiosity, how’s that working out for you?
OR
- Make a decision: This is MY life and I’ll create MY future exactly the way I want it to be! (In other words: I’ll take responsibility for my decisions, my actions, and the results they produce.) I won’t “FAIL” – Instead, I will “LEARN”. (Read that again) If I can LEARN from my experiences – even though I may not have gotten the results I intended – then I have not failed – Indeed, I have grown!
You see, no one can change the outcome of your life, except you. If you’re not happy with the results you are experiencing - change ‘em! It’s that simple. Is it easy? No - But it is possible.
See yourself as capable.
This may seem like a “no-duh” statement – (Of course, I’m capable of doing what I want with my life) - However, the results in your life beg to differ. If you honestly believe in your capabilities, you would have what you want or be well on your way to achieving what you want. If you truly see yourself as capable, you would be taking action on your dreams. (In other words – The results would be there!) BUT - Here’s the good news!
When you learn to take that “Big-Ole-Dream” - one piece at a time - one step at a time, and turn each step into manageable bite-size steps - The dream doesn’t seem so impossible and overwhelming. As a matter of fact, it becomes quite attainable. It is in these little steps that you will discover your greatness and make your dreams come true. I invite you to try this.
Recognize your greatness.
You matter! What you think and what you believe, matters; and your unique gifts matter. No one else in the world can be you. And, if you hold back, you are giving up your unique contribution to your life, to those you love, and to those you have the privilege to touch and impact. Even when it’s scary, share your greatness.
Here are some ways you can begin to add value to the people in your life, which also adds value to your life. (I like to refer to this as the: “WIN-WIN”)
- Be present in this moment. Literally, be aware of your life, right here, right now, and live fully in THIS moment. (This is harder than you think, but with practice, you’ll find that it is very rewarding.)
- Be open and vulnerable. Share who you are - Trust that people want to know you, not hurt you.
- Listen to understand. Be a “safe space” for getting to know someone and meet them where they are – (not where you are or where you think they should be) but where THEY are, without your agenda.
So - what did you discover?
- When you accept responsibility for yourself, and all of your decisions
- When you choose to LEARN instead of fail
- When you believe that you are unique and have your own special contribution to life
- When you believe that you are capable of anything
- When you take the time to invest yourself in others